Homeschooling with Babies and Toddlers, Part 1: Why and How in the World

Including, letting my ideals and expectations shift

Toddlers Invading the Classroom, or, Students Invading the Home

It’s Homeschool Planning Season. This can be very stressful or exciting for some people. To be honest, though, I experience neither stress nor excitement, so I think I can, with a level head, probably write my first post here about homeschooling. In fact, I decided to get out so many thoughts that this is a two-part post.¹

I’ll start with my disclaimer: Our children are enrolled in a private Christian home-based school, not technically homeschooled. They have assigned teachers directly employed by the school, as well as teachers for any live online courses in which they enroll. I work with the school to select a Christian curriculum (we use Memoria Press), which they supply, and am responsible for making sure assignments get done; the teachers are responsible for assessments and measuring progress, as well as for offering additional learning opportunities and individual tutoring as needed.

All of this being said, our day-to-day life looks like, well, a homeschool. I make the schedule, I manage the timeline, and we are usually all together. Learning, lunch, and little-people-life all happen under the same roof.

This fall, our children will be ages 9, 7, 4, 3, 18 months, and a baby coming in December. This combination of older learners and younger siblings makes school learning kind of tricky. I know this from first-hand experience, but also from reading from other homeschool mothers. Yes, I’ve searched the internet like it’s an actual mentor: “How to homeschool with babies and toddlers,”

And multiple blogs have responded with answers!² I wasn’t the only one wondering how it was possible.

(But also, if you keep having babies, does it ever stop getting tricky? At some point the older will outnumber the younger, right? Yes, my current fatigue is projecting onto the totally-unknown-to-me future.)

Anyway. I’ll share here why and how we’ve been doing it. Yes, it can be done! Next week, I’ll cover some of the challenges and lessons I’ve learned so far. My eldest is starting 5th grade this year, so I’m not as experienced as others. But I do want to put some thoughts down before they slip further into repressed memory subconscious automation, like all skills (even this one?!) eventually do.

Alfons Victor Olterdissen, Children at Play. Just look at Big Sister’s disapproval of how her brother is handling the baby-minding.

Why We Educate at Home

There was a time for me when this would have been entitled, “Why You, Christian Parent, Should be Educating Your Children at Home.” Call me wisened, a sellout, or a tired-and-realistic mom, but that’s not what we’re doing here. Yes, I still hold to the same principles which informed my prior, absolutist view, but they now function as parenting fundamentals.³ An additional biblical principal has also emerged, and it is that educating your children is about loving and serving them, not impressing God, yourself, or anyone else with your own virtue or prestige.

For me, on many days, I am so thankful and happy to have my children at home. And some days, I admit, I am a reluctant homeschool mom.⁴ Still, despite the occasional reluctance, I think it offers the best love and service to my children right now.

First reason: family time.

I want my children to enjoy the family in its provision of relationships and life learning; I think this is easier when we spend more time together than apart (note: I said easier, not solely possible). I want my older children to know how babies and toddlers are; how pregnancy and breastfeeding affect a woman’s daily life; how to put away dishes, fold laundry, shop for groceries, and help prepare meals. Homeschooling provides space for this learning to happen alongside the siblings of various ages, including both joy and conflict. I’m not saying it’s impossible to do this with a physical school setup, or that a family has to spend every hour all together to bond, but the hours in the week just add up differently depending on where you educate your children.

Second reason: efficiency and quality.

Our firstborn was an early reader and has been getting through stacks of books and subjects more quickly than outlined in traditional timelines. Our second is similar, and now our third is learning to read at age 4. Part of this is individual gifting, part of it is how we’ve parented as academic-leaning people.⁵

Now that I’ve seen how quickly and widely my reading children do learn, often independently, I don’t want to ask them to adhere to a traditional timeline that is less challenging. I also have seen the benefits of a classical education for them. There’s absolutely more to life than books and academics; however, our willingness and opportunity to let my children learn at home does give them a chance to soak up a ton of knowledge and beauty that is simply harder to access for most schoolchildren today.

Third reason: flexibility.

Homeschooling allows all of us to embrace the seasonal changes in the family. My husband’s job is seasonal in a way, includes every weekend, and is subject to unpredictable and sudden changes in demands. We’ve also been blessed with a steady succession of new babies, which affects me, yes, but also the babies’ siblings. In summary: our life isn’t exactly neatly scheduled.

Now, I know some mothers appreciate giving their children the reliable constancy of traditional school enrollment; I probably would, too, if I were doing it. But I also appreciate how homeschooling has given us the flexibility to adapt more easily to the inevitable shifts in our household rhythms. I can ask less of my children on the days when I’ve only fed them some boxed carbs and processed chicken nuggets. I can give them extra snuggle times earlier in the day when I know the baby will.not.be.put.down from 4-8pm. I can schedule school breaks that work with my husband’s workflow. When our family life is forced to be flexible, it helps that our education rhythm isn’t inflexible.

And, to be honest, I’m thankful I don’t have to get everyone in the car to get someone somewhere at 7:45 AM for a lot of days of the year, given that, for a long time, I and at least one other child have been waking through the night. I feel like that’s a perk I should celebrate, given that I’m also enjoying the lesser-perk of always having noise, crumbs, and questions in my house.

Fourth reason: socialization.

People still think homeschooled children are at risk of not knowing how to properly act in society. I think this is funny, because all of society is losing its ability to act properly, seen by the loss of polite eye contact and small talk; ubiquity of handheld devices or TV screens in public spaces; the rarity of dressing in a way that is dignifying, practical, and beautiful; and the general lack of manners in people of all ages.⁶ If that’s the standard of socialization, I don’t want my children to conform to it. Are they guaranteed to be perfect examples of human virtue because I homeschooled them? Ha! No.⁷ But I do think they have a chance at participating meaningfully in their families and communities, with people of all ages, simply because they’re having varied opportunities to do so, within, yes, an environment that allows them to meet the depravity of our world in more measured, age-appropriate ways.

Charles Bertrand d'Entraygues, Children playing

How We Educate at Home

Short answer: year-round, in the margins, with as consistent a daily routine as possible.

Long answer: There was a year when I had two, then three, children, and I did ‘school’ every weekday morning at 8:00. This was super laid-back. I’m saying, a hymn, a prayer, some phonics and numbers, and a geography lesson — 45 minutes, tops, and the baby was stationary, probably doing tummy time. As my eldest grew, I’d do a spelling or math lesson with her in the evening when we had one-on-one time. Then, our fourth was born, our third was a toddler, and our second was starting his own subjects. For a little while, I stoutheartedly attempted to keep doing what we’d been doing. Then, I got honest about the situation and entered the minimum/margin year-round school phase in which I still find myself.

I keep being surprised by this, but, yes, we actually get stuff done, my children are steadily — sometimes speedily — learning, and they meet their school requirements.

Year-Round

We break up our year, July through May, into sections with two-week (sometimes longer) breaks interspersed. The month of June is completely school-free, during which I relax and map out the rest of the year. With some unplanned breaks in there for sickness, or an expected but hard-to-time one for a new baby, our school year has consistently ended up being about 34 weeks, our school’s timelines, for the past three years. I think it’s part-miracle, honestly, which God has helped to work out.

I block some subjects, like science and geography, into the summer or fall sections, but keep others going year-round, such as math and penmanship. I think Latin should be a mostly-year-round subject, but last year it didn’t happen, so we’re blocking a catch-up this summer and we will try again in the fall. Reading is enjoyed throughout the year on the side, which covers a lot of history and literature studies by itself. Schooling year-round also cuts down required learning time due to the decreased need for review.

Online Classes

Our school also provides the opportunity to enroll our children in two live online classes each through Memoria Academy. Each class meets for about one hour weekly, September-May. So far, we’ve enrolled in literature and classical studies (Greek Myths and Famous Men of Rome). It’s great to have help with a couple of specialized subjects and give my children a group discussion experience, even if it is mediated through a screen. I’m curious to see how my 7-year-old will do with his first year in it, but my oldest really enjoyed it last year.

In the Margins

When exactly during the day do my older children do their book work? Naptime and evening, four days a week, with the occasional review or test on weekends. Most of their work can be done independently, so I still reserve a little midday alone time for myself,⁸ but I plan about 45 minutes to do group instruction/tutoring in the quieter household. I plan about 10 minutes in the evening to do a phonics lesson with the youngest “learner,” and sometimes help someone go through an assignment orally if they got stuck earlier.

A lot of moms seem/are told to do school work in the morning, and it’s always seemed really appealing. But, when I was trying to get all school work done in the morning during my first year of four children, I felt like a failure because we were often interrupted by a newborn and toddler. I tried sensory bins, but never found a great way for the mess to be contained. (In fact, as I was working on this post, a rice activity became an extensive clean-up project in the kitchen before dinner.) I’ve also tried what I’ll call “split play,” where an older child is paired with a younger one for some activity like read-aloud or blocks. It’s great when it works, but now we are outnumbered, and I can’t ask my seven-year-old to take charge of the 4, 3, and 1-year-old boys while I complete a lesson with my eldest. I don’t even think we’ve achieved the level where the nine-year-old can manage the (endearing) chaos alone.

Additionally, I found that morning school kept getting interrupted by appointments and play dates, so I was often playing catch-up and kicking myself for living a life outside of the books. But, was I educating my children at home so that I could also feel miserable and guilty about my daily schedule? No. That’s ridiculous. So, that’s why we reconfigured. Now, I reserve the windows of time between meals and naps for playing outside, working in the kitchen, and going on outings (including appointments and shopping). These windows are always smaller than I expect because, with little people, putting on shoes and prepping meals and cleaning up at the library can take a long time. Since we stopped trying to fit school there, I’m not as stressed and rushed as I could be.

Also, we do not have a designated school room. School work happens in multiple places, including in the car during piano lessons.

(Do we misplace books? Yep. No solution here yet.)

I try to check in with the work nightly to make sure it’s been done. Weekly, I review the work and submit assignments to the school. Daily, I take a lot of deep breaths and pray, Lord, have mercy. Let me delight in these children like You delight in me. Please help them find their books. And let everyone be content with burritos for dinner. Amen.

Minimalism

You must read this in bold, don’t forget it, I do not complete everything that our curriculum includes and recommends.⁹ I haven’t kept up with poetry recitation (regrettably) or thematic crafts (unregrettably). We do, however, complete our school’s requirements, and even more, because the children are also in Bible class/catechesis,¹⁰ take piano lessons, and participate in a bi-weekly homeschool group that includes additional subjects in a relaxed style. Meanwhile, my children also spend their time shaping different types of bread, building snowmen, and sketching wildlife or flowers. Sometimes, they even quote poetry to me which I’ve never assigned, nor have even read, myself.

Doing the minimum amount of work required for school has helped me see that what a lot of experienced mothers say really is true: a warm and active home environment, filled with good books, and not catering to a child’s desire to be entertained, is to be credited for an immeasurable portion of home education. Education is beyond checking off boxes, mastery isn’t immediate, and loving yet orderly relationships in the home are more important than marching through a curriculum. The more I internalize these principles, the more peace and patience I experience. Including when a toddler is dumping rice in the kitchen.

Shannon, Jungle Tales

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What values and opportunities have informed education decisions for your family or others you know? If you educate your children at home, or have done so, what are some of the ways you’ve managed it? I’d love to hear from you!

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Next week, Part 2 will share some of the challenges and the lessons I’ve learned along the way. God bless your week!

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1. Maybe, having expressed myself so thoroughly on the topic, I won’t feel the need to do it again. Are you relieved?

2. I haven’t had twins, but this baby in December will be the fourth child in under five years. So I found a lot of comfort in this kind of post.

3. The home is the first place of discipleship beyond the Divine Service; parents are ultimately responsible for the education and spiritual formation of their children; the spirit of the age is hostile to the Spirit of Christ; wisdom is gained by spending time with the wise…I think those summarize it.

4. My particular reluctance has a lot to do with the growing pains of adding to the family. But I think there will be more of us homeschooling in reluctance over a few years for various reasons (see this note and thread by

Haley Baumeister

). Maybe soon, though, Lord willing, parents will join forces and start our own awesome schools like Sursum Corda Classical School (check out their summer field trips if you’re in southern Wisconsin!) and even colleges to catch these students when they’re ready, like Luther Classical College. I know various church traditions are having a classical school renaissance right now, and I’m excited by it.

5. It might not seem like it, but I’m kind of ambivalent toward the ‘early reading’ — I have a friend with children of similar ages, who would text me things like, “Leah’s children have already been reading for two years, how am I supposed to start this homeschooling thing with confidence?” I would often remind her, “You have no idea how many times I was so nauseous, or so tired, or housebound when we only had one car, that I just told my children: Go read a book. There’s a ton of other skills I wish they were better at, but this is where we found ourselves. I wish my children had some of the skills yours have!” Regarding ‘book smarts’ vs other skills, especially for boys, I really appreciated

Lane Scott

’s post, about which I still think often.

6. I’m not trying to be hypercritical, and I really hope this isn’t your experience, but I plainly observe this, and many people have written about it. I also know that I have had to learn many of these things, myself, in the past 15 or so years, so I’ve been and am trying not to be part of the problem.

7. I know their mother well enough to not be overly optimistic about that.

8. I think this is necessary for a mom of little ones. Motherhood is a marathon, days without quiet time are sprints, and most of us just can’t do that for months and years on end.

9. I read a lot of people praising the MP curriculum guide, like, “I just open it up and check off the boxes for that day, and it’s so simple!” I am loyal to Memoria Press materials, but their curriculum and its guides come out of its brick-and-mortar school, Highlands Latin School. Different educational settings mean different educational methods. I don’t have my children “in school” doing individual work from 8-3, so I don’t subject myself to the Guides. They also include filler work and repetition, which are solid material! However, I skip it unless a child is struggling to grasp a particular concept or skill. I’m limited, so I just follow the individual subjects, which are excellent in themselves.

10. My husband teaches the children Luther’s Small Catechism at the dinner table, which includes memory and recitation. The older children also attend weekly youth Catechesis classes at church. These include a wide age range, as the requirements are along the lines of “able to read and participate respectfully in class.” Credit goes to the pastor for his willingness and capability to handle a group of children ages 6-14.