In Praise of the Doula
The women who have supported me in each new chapter of motherhood
Dear mothers,
Who supported you in childbirth?
For many of us, it was at least one person. In my own birth stories, it is the care of my doulas that is the most memorable. This week, I thought I’d take some time to honor the lovely ladies who do such special work.
I learned of doulas, strangely or predictably enough, in The Business of Being Born, a 2008 documentary that highlighted the medicalized birth world of American obstetrics. I watched it when I was finishing high school and preparing to enter college in pursuit of a degree in nursing.
That movie was my first introduction to women with positive, mother-centered births. My subsequent experiences in nursing school, as well as in my first year of practice as an RN, demonstrated the power of knowledge and advocacy to nudge (well-meaning!) physicians toward patient-centered care who might otherwise have chosen the convenience of physician-centered, medicine-approved care. By the time I was preparing to deliver my first child at the end of a healthy pregnancy, I felt confident that I could most likely do so unmedicated and without intervention in the hospital setting, as long as I had one necessary help:
a doula.
Doulas are non-medical birth workers. I am not a specialist in their history, but I like to imagine that, back in the day, the aunties and the grandmothers were the first doulas: women who had experienced their own births, and witnessed and helped in the births of others. Today, doulas work to empower and support women to have the best birth experience possible within a wide range of specialty training, education, certification, and experience. For me, my doula is the feminine support in the birth room, a source of practical knowledge and expertise, and the person who looks me in the eyes when I think I cannot possibly deliver my baby and says, “You can do this.”
I’ve had a few different women perform the role of doula, with varying levels of experience and certification. I love each one of them. When I find out I’m pregnant, I contact a doula before I contact a doctor’s office. They can book up fast, as many only take two clients per due-date-month. They’ve supported me through pregnancies and into the first few weeks postpartum.
I’ve had doulas witness my many tears of frustration during the days of prodromal labor preceding active labor, and meet me for massage, relaxation, or stretching to help my body rest and release after days of intermittent contractions. I’ve had them rub my back or hold my hips during each contraction in transition, then hold a straw to my lips for a sip of juice between to keep me hydrated. I’ve had them work doula-magic with their rebozos and Spinning Babies techniques, enabling my body and baby to work together and align for delivery. I’ve also had doulas tell me, You just need to rest. Your body needs time, when all I wanted in my impatient, control-oriented self was to move labor along.
I’m one of the women whose body will stop having contractions when she feels watched, needed, or unsafe. This has happened with my last few labors nearly every time a hospital employee enters the room to ‘check in on me.’ (Yes, that’s really annoying.) My doula was my safe person, every time, with whom I could labor uninterrupted.
I don’t know that I’ve ever been misled or cared for improperly by my doulas — yes, even the ones who weren’t DONA-certified. I’ve worked with a doula progressing toward her DONA certification, which requires having first attended a certain number of births. The birth of my child was one more on her list. I’ve worked with a doula in a rural area who was quite experienced, but found the cost of maintaining DONA certification outweighs the pay she receives from clients. I’ve worked with other doulas in more wealthy or suburban areas who boast a number of additional credentials and specialty skills. What is the common thread among my doulas is that they have all been earnest, caring, knowledgeable yet willing to learn, and practiced in the art of truly seeing another. They have always given me confidence in my ability to endure labor and delivery, as well as to make decisions about my care even if it conflicted with the suggestions of the hospital staff. This empowerment makes a world of difference to a laboring mother, especially in her first few deliveries. Labor taught me to know and experience my body; doulas taught me to respect it.
My doulas have endured long days and nights; barrages of emotional, confused, panicky texts (“I’m contracting every 5 minutes but I don’t think it’s active labor yet?? Do you have something that will help me! 😭😭😭 I can’t do this forever! … Also don’t say castor oil because I refuse!”); the weirdest and most humiliating things that will ever pour forth from my lips; the frustration of a laboring woman who insists she wants one thing but actually desires the opposite; the unending requests for “hands on, please;” and the most intimate moments where I reach the end of myself and find Christ strengthening me to bring forth new life from my own flesh.
I love my doulas, and I’ll always recommend looking into working with a doula if an expectant mother asks. This includes not just women with uncomplicated pregnancies expecting unmedicated births; a doula is for every mother in pretty much every situation. I do think they are particularly valuable in the hospital setting, though. When a doula is with a client in the hospital, she sees a laboring mother, not a patient quantified by lab values, tocometers, and magnesium drip rates. No other professional in the room has the sole role and specialty of supporting that mother. She is also present for the husband, to help him support his wife in a way that works for both of them. Whether it’s an eight-hour naturally progressing labor or an emergent C-section at 30 weeks, a doula is ready to serve, strengthen, and support a mother.
In addition to being present at delivery, doulas also debrief with mothers and help them reflect on their experiences in the weeks afterward. This has always been so special for me, and even helped bring healing to some difficult memories of childbirth. Doulas have seen things in the births of my children that I missed, and highlighted strengths which I overlooked, helping me understand both the feat I accomplished and the grace of God in my hour of need.
I’m thankful for my doulas, and, to be honest, it would be a dream to get to perform the role myself one day!
When I was writing this, I knew I wanted to hear from , another Substack writer (whose work I so enjoy!) who is also a doula. She wrote on the role from her perspective, and I really think you’d like to hear her story and thoughts on the role of doula as well. You’ll be able to hear her heart for mothers even in her writing!
Click here to head over to Sarah’s piece, Will you be my doula?, on
.I’d love to hear from other women here! How were you supported in pregnancy and labor? Have you had experience with doulas? Is it something you desired, but has seemed out-of-reach to you? Have you ever supported other women in labor?
Leave a comment or reply to the email if you’d like to share!
This was really beautiful. I've always understood—from afar in a logical way—the benefit of doulas. But for whatever reasons haven't utilized them myself. I guess I just assumed my husband would be a good-enough support. And he has been to some degree. But maybe there's multiple roles our current culture (or life circumstances) make us assume our husband should take on as default, when really there are others we need in our lives—for various things. And tbh this is not something I model well at this time of life!
Anyways, maybe it's just always seemed an excessive ask. Perhaps if there's a future pregnancy I will look more seriously into it.
I couldn’t agree more! My husband is actually the biggest doula fan - for my first VBAC especially, it was so incredibly helpful to have someone who had experience in what the heck was going on and could say, “it’s ok, this is normal, we’re going to try these things to relax” and who could kindly guide my husband in supporting me. Talking me off the ledge when things puttered out in early (sometimes false) labor was also so, so helpful for the mind game.
I’m super grateful the health sharing ministry we are a part of helps cover some of the cost of a doula because it would otherwise have been hard to bite the bullet that first time, but really they’re worth their weight in gold!